John Goober Kennedy.

Scott Bessent was recently on Capitol Hill. Because I follow the Treasury, I thought there could be something useful so I suffered through hours of insufferable testimony, first to the house then the senate. (Spoiler alert, there was nothing useful because these hearings have become kabuki theater.)

Then I saw Senator John Kennedy, who used almost his entire allotted time—not to ask about the Treasury Department’s policies, the national debt, declining inflows, debasement of the dollar, threat of alternate currencies further debasing the dollar, a failed tariff policy, heightened PPI that foreshadows more inflation, persistent elevation at the long end of the yield curve, the strategic bitcoin reserve we supposedly have, managing custodial accounts of stolen Venezuelan funds, etc.— to argue about the veracity of the poverty rate before making a stunning conclusion.He offered an example of a single working mother with two kids who receives a litany of beneficial support and subsidies from the government and earns $11,000 annually with part-time work. Then he suggested that the sum total of these subsidies technically bring her above the poverty line. This lead him to conclude, “the poverty rate in America is one-percent.”

He even admitted this wasn’t even a scenario for the Treasury Secretary and that he should bring it up with the Commerce Secretary. But did that stop him? Of course not. Because John Kennedy doesn’t ask questions at hearings. John Kennedy performs. So I want to dissect why his shtick is so insidious, so disconnected from reality, and why the people of Louisiana deserve so much better than this Kentucky Fried Goober.

The World According to Goober

So let’s break down Kennedy’s economic theory. He’s essentially arguing that because poor people receive government assistance—things like SNAP benefits, housing assistance, Medicaid—we shouldn’t count them as poor.

This is the supplemental poverty measure argument, twisted into right-wing propaganda. Yes, when you include transfer payments, poverty rates look different—but that doesn’t mean poverty is fake, it means those programs are working. They’re keeping people from absolute destitution. Kennedy wants to use this statistical measure not to show that safety net programs are effective, but to argue that poverty isn’t really a problem. That we’re being too generous.

And you know who needs to hear this fiction? The people of Louisiana. Because if Kennedy actually acknowledged the scale of poverty in his state, he might have to do something about it. And doing something might upset his donors.

Let’s talk about the state John Kennedy has dedicated his adult life to representing at various levels of government:

• Louisiana has one of the highest poverty rates in the entire country—about 18–19%.
• In recent rankings, it’s literally the second-poorest state in America.
• The child poverty rate? Around 27%. More than one in four kids.
• The median household income ranks near the absolute bottom nationally—third-lowest.
• It ranks at or near DEAD LAST among all states on overall health outcomes. Life expectancy is in the mid-70s, several years below the national average.
• The state has the HIGHEST incarceration rate in the United States, and therefore one of the highest in the entire world. Louisiana imprisons people at a rate 50% higher than the already-astronomical U.S. average. And Black residents, who make up about a third of the population, account for two-thirds of the prison population.
• Education? Historically bottom tier, though there have been some recent improvements in K-12 performance. But college attainment? Still near the bottom.

So when John Kennedy sits in that committee hearing and suggests that America’s poverty crisis is overstated, that it’s really only 1% if we count things correctly, he’s not speaking from ignorance. He’s speaking from a place of willful, calculated denial. Because acknowledging the reality of poverty in his own state would require him to confront his own failure or worse, do something about it.

Now, you might hear Kennedy talk and think, “Well, he’s just a simple country lawyer, speaking for regular folks.” And that’s exactly what he wants you to think. But let me tell you about John Kennedy’s actual background.

This man has a law degree from the University of Virginia. Then he went to Oxford University, where he earned another law degree with first-class honors. He’s not some daggum hayseed.

John Kennedy is an elite.

BuzzFeed News did a deep dive in 2020 interviewing people who knew Kennedy during his days as Louisiana State Treasurer. You know what they found? His colleagues noted that his speaking style and persona have “changed significantly” since his 2016 Senate campaign.

John Kennedy studied at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. But he’s figured out that in Republican politics, especially in the South, playing smart-stupid catches people off guard, like he’s fucking Matlock. But everyone is onto it so it just makes him look ridiculous.

He puts on this costume of a simple southern gentleman, tosses out cutesy one-liners designed to go viral, and hopes you won’t notice that behind the accent is a product of the elite international university system with a net worth around $20 million. Not bad for a country bumpkin.

So what has Kennedy actually done with his position? Let’s look at his record.

• He’s one of the six Republican senators who objected to certifying Arizona’s electoral votes on January 6th, 2021, actively participating in the attempt to overturn a free and fair election.
• He voted against the First Step Act—bipartisan criminal justice reform—even as Louisiana maintains the highest incarceration rate in the world.
• He voted against the CHIPS and Science Act, which is bringing manufacturing jobs back to America.
• He voted against the Inflation Reduction Act.
• He’s funded up the wazoo from oil and gas and finance, is staunchly anti-choice and maintains an A+ rating from the NRA.

Essentially, he just toes the hard conservative line. No deep thinking required on his voting pattern. We get it, Foghorn. No need for theatrics. Your record speaks for itself.

One of his favorite personal quotes is “I believe that our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.” I know this because it’s on the press release for his book How to Test Negative for Stupid, which was published in October of 2025, so I guess he’s referring to himself and his fucking party since they’re in charge.

The persona, the one-liners, the viral moments—all designed to make you focus on the performance instead of the policy. To think he’s just a colorful character instead of recognizing him for what he is: a wealthy, elite opportunist who has failed the people of Louisiana and has the audacity to gaslight America about poverty while his own constituents struggle to survive.

Here’s the good news: John Kennedy is up for reelection in 2028. The people of Louisiana deserve a senator who will fight for healthcare, for education, for economic opportunity that doesn’t rely solely on oil companies. They deserve someone who will work to reduce that world-leading incarceration rate, who will address child poverty instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe this is actually the better version of Kennedy, because the leading Kennedy quote from his press release was “always be yourself, unless you suck.” So maybe the original version sucked harder than this plantation version. Imagine that?

Image Source

• Treasurer Ron Henson from USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons. Changes were made.